The speakers at these events are always inspiring. Debbie Barr, author and health educator, gave this year’s keynote address. Along with Gary Chapman, Ph.D. and Edward Shaw, M.D., she recently co-authored “Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fade: The 5 Love Languages and the Alzheimer’s Journey.”
She informed the audience that this book was inspired by Dr. Chapman’s series of 5 Love Languages books in which he describes the five main ways people express and experience love — the love languages. They are gift-giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.
Barr was an editorial assistant to Dr. Chapman when he wrote the original “5 Love Languages” book in 1995. More recently she worked as clinic coordinator for the Memory Counseling Program at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, where she discovered that Dr. Shaw was using the five love languages in his dementia counseling. In 2008, his wife Rebecca, not yet 55 years old, had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s. The book is dedicated to Rebecca Shaw who passed away in August 2016, just before the book was released. I was so impressed by Barr’s synopsis of the book that I purchased one and couldn’t wait to read it.
The first chapter is entitled “Ed and Rebecca: A Love Story” and indeed, the entire volume is about love. This is a theme that sometimes goes missing in manuals for caregivers of people with dementia; how unfortunate, because without love the journey does become strenuous and maybe unbearable. A striking introductory statement was, “The deep human need for love does not disappear with a diagnosis of dementia.” It is vital for caregivers to understand this concept.
A wealth of inspiration and information flows from the pages. The authors provide easily understood definitions of terms such as “cognitive function” and “plaques and tangles.” There are diagrams of the brain with explanations about the disease and its progression.
You also will find quizzes you can take to help you determine your own love language as well as the preferred love language of your loved one. Suggestions are offered to help you learn to “speak” the preferred love language, along with lists of actions that should be avoided.
A number of caregivers were interviewed and their stories are intertwined with helpful do’s and don’ts. Some of the stories are heartbreaking; many are uplifting. What I like best is that they give caregivers a glimpse into the world of others who are on the same journey; you realize you are not alone.
Of all the caregiving books I have read, this is my favorite.
• Caring Quote: “I am convinced that God wants everyone to experience His love and then to share that love with all whom we encounter. By nature, we are selfish —we love those who love us. When we receive God’s love, we are empowered to love even those who do not, or cannot, love us. This is the love that I have seen demonstrated by so many caregivers.” — Gary Chapman, Ph.D.
Ruth Z. W. Johnson is an author, columnist and speaker who has served as both a family caregiver and a nurse in long-term care. She is available to share her experiences and knowledge of caregiving with groups, both small and large. She welcomes your caregiving comments and questions. Letters published only with reader’s consent. Contact her at rj@caregivertocaregiver.info or P.O. Box 125, Alamance, NC 27201.
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